A Sheroe's Purpose

Once this idea of bringing positivity to the forefront and finding inspiration became a focus of mine, it was only a matter of days before I came across an article, on Facebook of all places!! As I began reading about this diamond in the rough, I was immediately inspired. The Sheroes Hangout is a cafe run solely by survivors of acid attacks. What a concept. Something so simple yet profound created to do nothing more than spread awareness. This article certainly woke me up and I was going to find a way to meet these women. 

http://blogs.wsj.com/indiarealtime/2015/06/03/the-cafe-run-by-acid-attack-survivors/

Ironically, I was in the process of planning my first ever visit to the Taj Mahal! The Taj Mahal sits in a city called Agra, the same city where the first Sheroes Hangout is located! Right then I knew that the Taj Mahal was not going to be the only stop on my trip to Agra.

Here is a little background on the Sheroes Hangout. Agra location is one of 3 locations; the other two are located in Lucknow and Udaipur. Each cafe's patronage allows the foundation, the Chhanv Foundation, to pay the employees' salaries and rent as well as treat and rehabilitate new members so they can re-enter society. The Chhanv Foundation was started in 2013 by Alok Dixit and 3 friends after learning about these attacks. They started their mission by crowd funding on behalf of the victims and following their stories on various news platforms. Through their crowd funding efforts they were able to publicize this pandemic. The campaign aimed to make anyone who would listen, including the victims themselves, aware that these attacks happen all across India and the world. They wanted to encourage the survivors to come out in the open and not be embarrassed simply because of their new appearance. Many of the women who became members of the foundation later on said that they were never aware that many other women were just like them. 

The foundation is now up to 20 survivors, most of whom are employed by the 3 cafes. The others are receiving an education or being treated for their injuries. It is not always easy to join the foundation however. Some women are still stuck in their homes not able to join for various reasons. The foundation continues its work to help these women leave their homes and rejoin society. To this day, we hear about these attacks more frequently than not. Just a couple of weeks before my visit, on January 9th, there were 2 attacks on boys in Udaipur. That's right, even boys are subject to these crimes. Learning this fact confirmed that this crime has no rhyme or reason. It is a senseless, inhumane act that will never have an explanation that makes sense to anyone with a sane mind. 

Even as I learned about these stories I never had a personal connection to them. The timing of my learning of this foundation and my trip to see the Taj Mahal seemed like destiny. I had to go meet with these women. This visit allowed me to not only make personal connections with these women but has now motivated me to learn more.

In the sound clip below one of the women was explaining that she no longer likes to be referred to as a "survivor". She is just a normal girl who wants to live a normal life.

It was a lucky day for me the day I visited the cafe because it was virtually empty. Empty was good because I then had the women's undivided attention when I requested to take pictures and interview them.  I began by taking candid pictures of them while they played carrom. I slowly started asking questions about themselves when they asked me to sit down with them. At this point, I was able to speak more in depth with 3 women who each had some poignant things to share...

Madhu

Originally from Agra, she has a great interest in learning. Specifically, she aspires to learn fashion design. As I try to understand more about her interests in learning about fashion, my broken Hindi can only take me so far. Luckily, my mom is sitting a few feet away and is fluent in conversational Hindi. She comes to save the day and joins us in our conversation.

Though Madhu has not had extensive training, she took a month long, government funded course but said it wasn't enough. She would love to take any opportunity she gets to take more courses and learn about dress design. Private courses are expensive and she has had to support herself as her parents also did not have the money.

Madhu also provided a few details around her attack. The purpose of these conversations was to make personal connections and learn more about what inspires them. However, it is still important to understand how they got there. These crimes are inhumane and what's worse, there never is a "why", at least not one that any half-decent human would understand. Madhu was attacked by a prospective suitor.  She said it was a result of "one sided love." Although Madhu was open to the idea of a "love marriage" her parents were did not support it and she decided not to pursue the relationship. When the man Madhu chose heard of this, he decided to attack her. Madhu joined Sheroes only 6 months ago. Here is a small sound byte of her telling that story. 

Neetu

Neetu had a little bit of sass to her. She pointedly asked why I can't speak Hindi very well when my mom is so fluent. After learning that I grew up in the U.S. she immediately became inquisitive. It was refreshing for her and the other girls to hear that people from across the world had heard about this cafe and made a point to visit. She was happy to hear that the awareness initiative of the foundation was clearly working. It turns out, much like I was with my mom that day, Neetu's mom is also a member of the foundation and came and sat with us later in the conversation.

Originally from Agra, the 23 year old Neetu has been with Sheroes since its inception. She spent 1 year campaigning with the organization and has been working at the cafe for the past 2 years since it opened in late 2014. She was only 3 years old when she, her mother and 18 month old sister were all attacked. While the three of them were sleeping in bed, Neetu's father decided to throw acid on them. Sadly, the little sister did not survive. But Neetu and her mom are flagship members and are thriving. Though it was not explicitly said during this conversation, many times when a father/husband attacks his own family it is because he blames them for not being given a son. Here is a clip of her speaking about her attack.

On a lighter note, Neetu's main interest is in singing. She was a little shy that day to sing for us, but based on her speaking voice it was clear that she definitely had a sweet singing voice. This was the only moment where Neetu showed any shyness. Through the way she carried herself and opened up about her work with the foundation, she showed she is a very strong, secure individual. She later revealed that she never covered her face once after her attack. With the support of her mother, she had the confidence to walk in the open without any shame. If that isn't inspiration, I don't know what is. 

Rupa

Rupa, the most vocal of the 3 girls, had a lot to say. She first jumped in when they were speaking about how the foundation helped them realize that they were not alone. After being attacked, Rupa got the courage to leave her house after seeing some survivors in much worse condition. Some had lost vision in both eyes and some weren't able to walk. She then realized that if these women can persevere and not be ashamed, she has no reason to be afraid either. They all gave each other courage and the group went from 8 women, to 10 and is now up to 20 women. 

Before coming out, Rupa would even sit in her own house covering her face with a scarf. She only left the house to go to the hospital. She would avoid speaking to or seeing anyone who came to her house. It took Rupa 5 years to find support within her own house and with the foundation. Only then was she able to show her face in public and be proud. From the other side, most of her family took a long time to treat her like a normal person. They only changed their tune after she and the foundation started picking up publicity. Only her aunt and uncle were her main support system from day 1 and took care of her with the support of their entire village. 

Rupa was attacked by her stepmother. Her father remarried after her mother passed away and the stepmother had a difficult time accepting that Rupa's father had a family of his own before she and her kids came into the house. Due to her extreme jealousy, the stepmother made many attempts on Rupa and her brother's life by poisoning or strangling them. Finally, after the passing of her father, the stepmother found her open window threw acid on Rupa while she was sleeping. She said she was lucky her vision was saved because her eyes were closed when she was attacked. She did not find the courage to call anyone or go to the hospital until 5 pm the next day. 

It took years, but Rupa is fully recovered and is using the platform of the foundation to find other women who struggled just like her. She explained that her livelihood was undermined by the act of her stepmother. While her step siblings lived a normal life and grew up with an education and are getting married, Rupa spent her adolescence recovering from her injuries and learn to accept her new appearance. However, she wants to leave the past behind her and will not allow anyone to bring her down. In the spirit of letting bygones by bygones, she also does not want to pursue charges against her stepmother. She had kids of her own who were young at the time of her attack. Rupa did not want those kids to lose a mother and grow up without one. She had to suffer through the loss of her own mother and does not want to punish other children out of revenge. This is Rupa explaining her reasoning.  

Rupa's main mission is to get the word out. Much like the women before her inspired her to uncover her face and start living a normal life, she wants to do the same. Rupa has moved away from her village and now lives in Agra working at the cafe. She does not like being called a "survivor". She is a normal girl who has had to overcome more than most people do in a lifetime, but ultimately, she is just a girl.